


Fidelity

by scorpionmother



Category: The Leftovers
Genre: Adultery, F/M, Falling In Love, Hope, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 21:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6301828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpionmother/pseuds/scorpionmother
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin considers fidelity in light of his new relationship and reflects on his marriage with Laurie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fidelity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OerbaIzalith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OerbaIzalith/gifts).



In his past he’d always struggled with fidelity. Not that he hadn’t tried, really tried. Standing at the alter with Laurie, all those years ago listening to the minister ask him to promise to ‘forsake all others’, he’d meant it when he’d said ‘I do’. The blonde he’d fucked up against the wall outside the bar his pals had dragged him to for his bachelor party was, he told himself, the last hurrah. A final salute to his former life when women had been nothing but disposable pleasures. It was not as if he’d treated them badly, that is he’d never hit a woman, he just hadn’t been able to be faithful to one – but he’d meant to be. And it was not as if it were all his fault. Women seemed to be attracted to him. ‘Like flies to shit’ his father had said laughing at his son’s ‘women problems’ albeit with a hint of ire. Like father like son – as they shared a name they’d shared the same ease with the opposite sex. Kevin knew his father had strayed away from monogamy, that he’d had other women of which his long suffering mother had been aware but had refused to acknowledge. And so too for him – a parade of nameless, faceless fucks practically forgotten before the sheets had cooled, before the door to the bedroom had been closed behind his tattooed back. 

And for the first few years he’d kept to his vows, his mind occupied by Laurie, the ideal of her and the children, first Tommy, a relationship of trust to build with the little boy so desperate for a father. And when Jill was born, he’d been so sure that he could continue to avoid the warm eyes, the knowing smiles, the unspoken offers of release and passion that had unsurprisingly been missing for a while in the marital bed. But old habits die hard, even those that had not been indulged in for years. Opportunity is a sly mistress and he found it increasingly difficult to avoid or ignore her. The first time in the post orgasmic come down guilt had reared more in reply to the worry of discovery than in regard to the act itself. But as with all things immoral, sordid and hidden the times after became easier until they became commonplace and he could ease his conscience with the thought that they meant nothing, that they offered no harm to his marriage, that in fact they allowed him to be a better husband. Until he wasn’t.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He’d been awake for a while attempting to construct the veneer of sanity he’d need to face what the day would bring. Nora was still asleep and he’d watched her for a while as he did every morning. In sleep she lost her own carefully built façade, applied like makeup that she’d paint over her waking features. It made her look younger but sadder, the lines of her pain manifest without the consciousness of her public face. He experienced it with something akin to trepidation because of what he’d been. Of what her husband had been. But this was also what now made him secure. He knew with her he had a chance to redeem his past. To create with her something that need not know the lies and hidden nuances of clandestine episodes of lust. When he looked at her he wanted to be faithful. Faithful to her because he loved her and because he loved her he knew it was possible. It was each morning a revelation as he opened his eyes on her face renewed like a supplicant’s faith before God. 

He loved her of that he was sure although the reasons for his love were not in as sharp relief as when he’d been with Laurie. Laurie despite the complex nature of her chosen profession or perhaps because of it, had been easier to love. Her heart was open, worn like a medal on her chest. The suffering and scars left by past lovers but most particularly Tommy’s father were never hidden. She made no attempt to disguise them and these contusions and rips almost seemed to make her more lovable, more deserving of love. But maybe because of the ease of loving her it then had been easier to betray her and keep betraying her until she finally left him. Part of him, both during their time together and following her departure had wondered how much she knew of his misadventures in adultery. He could not believe that a woman of her formidable intelligence and insight could not have had an inkling into this hidden side of his existence. He watched for the signs, the stillness, the watchfulness, the questions about his whereabouts, the almost imperceptible checking of his personal effects and yet he saw nothing no shadows in her eyes, detected no suspicion in her. Her blatant blindness had irritated him at the start, might even have led to him pursuing clandestine encounters with more vigour, but later it scared him. Those long night after she’d walked away from him, the children, their past when the very foundation of his life had been rocked to its core one thought remained to plague him. The one idea that ran lunatic round his brain – she knew – she knew everything – she knew everything but didn’t care. This was the thought that nested in the deepest corners of his mind and that he flagellated his tortured soul with. She knew and she didn’t care.

When he’d fallen in love with Laurie the awareness of it had been immediate. He could still recall the very moment, the sun on her face, her eyes half closed and squinting against it, damp tendrils of hair curling round her forehead, her mouth curved in a smile of welcome as she waited to scoop a toddling Tommy into her sun-kissed arms. It had hit him like truth and he’d revelled in it. Looking at the woman next to him her hair dark against the whiteness of the pillow her arms embracing her thin waist he could not recall that moment with her. He’d always thought that maybe it had crept up on him unawares. Despite her history his intention had never been for things to develop as they had. Sure, he’d wanted her. What man wouldn’t, a mixture of strength and vulnerability wrapped in a body beneath the sombre suits and dresses she had worn that was pliant and as ready to give pleasure as to receive it. But lying here by her side the sheets wrapped around them holding in them the warmth of their lovemaking it suddenly came to him. His love for her hadn’t grown out of friendship or affection. It hadn’t even been the slow burn born from familiarity. The reason that he couldn’t remember the exact moment was because there had never been one and the reason there had never been one was because he’d always loved her. Without knowing it she’d always been there, in his heart locked in like a piece of himself. 

Carefully he’d eased himself from her side to sit on the edge of the bed for a moment letting the cool morning air stroke his heated skin and to focus on that realisation and with it the unspoken mantra, that promise to himself that came from finding her there beside him. The promise he’d never articulate to her but would adhere to without fear of failure – fidelity.

Lost within these thought he started slightly as bare arms snaked around his waist and he felt her thin, toned body press up against his back her small breasts, still warm from the bed, soft against the chill of his skin.

“Penny for them?” her voice was still sleepy and her chin was sharp as she pressed it into the muscles of his shoulder.

“Worth at least a dime.” He laughed but let it die as he felt her hands creep over the corded muscles of his stomach up towards his pecs and shivered slightly at the press of fingertips as they felt and explored the different textures of his skin.

“So, what do you want for those dime thoughts Kevin?” she murmured as she continued to play her hands over him the stroking gaining both pressure and pace. And one thought coalesced in his mind a thought that could be articulated now and forever.

“Only you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't think I'd get here but glad I did and a massive thank you to OerbaIzalith for guiding my hand on this.


End file.
